Posts Tagged ‘Traveling’

If I were to ask you what the worst feeling in the world would be, what would you say?
You most likely answered with a horrible feeling. A negative emotion.
Negative. Bad. Horror. All of the things we seek to avoid or eradicate.
But while we are running from these worst feelings, these bad experiences, the worst things the mind can conceive, what are we REALLY doing? The mind does not have a memory for pain. You can think back on a memory and remember all sorts of details and feelings but you can never remember EXACTLY what the pain felt like. Not physically and not fully emotionally. The closest we can get is to go to a place in our mind and let something sting us into our soul remembering something bitter. The human body has a conditioned response to avoid pain.
But are we really avoiding pain or are we searching for a happier feeling? We are equating no pain with complete happiness when this is not the case. No pain = nothingness. Working out is painful but because we achieve a plateau of health,we push through the pain. Without muscles tearing, without sweating, without heavy breathing and straining we can’t achieve heights with the human body. Our body doesn’t release chemical endorphin’s. We know this about the human body. This same rule applies to the spirit. Those who seek through prayer, meditation, or inward journeys of sacrifice can attest that, in those moments, the soul has trouble breathing. Those moments our heart aches. Those heavy times are worth the plateau of a peaceful and even center. People travel the world to try to find just a glimpse of that moment. This is where the complexity comes in.
The spirit and body are tied together. You can’t get hurt physically and have your spirit ignore it for long. It affects and wounds the spirit too. You can’t get hurt emotionally on a deep level and expect it not to also affect how the body functions. It will affect its chemicals, its stress reaction, its biorhythms.  So now, lets quickly remember the first question I entered with…If I were to ask you what the WORST feeling in the world would be what would you say? Would it still be something negative? Fear. Lonliness. Heartbreak. Terror. Hatred. etc etc…
The worst feeling in the world is neutrality. It is indifference. It is the mundane. It leads to nowhere. There is no plateau of greatness but it seeps the life out of the spirit and the body. It is the easiest course to become nothing. People who hate us, use us, leave us, deceive us are giving us the traction we need to become great and strong. They gave Anne Frank the keys to what human life are about. They gave the answers to Victor Frankel. They gave the answers to victims. They gave the answers to every soul who felt the pain. The enemy is not pain. The enemy is not how hard a situation is, how impossible the situation is, how devastatingly unfair a situation is, how cruel a person is; the enemy is not the darkness. Even within the dark there are shades arguing what is good and bad, right and wrong. The enemy is the conditioning that freedom is painless. There is a wonderful quote “Pain demands to be felt”. If for one moment you quit running from pain and start reading what it has to say, if instead of closing your eyes you demand they stay open, if instead of letting your life be about money, bills, goals, society, survival and search out what life is SAYING inside the waves of pain, disappointment, hopes, dreams, discouragement, hatred, fear, anger, love, acceptance, mistakes, pursuits, champions then you will find you are no longer neutral anymore. You are no longer seeking goals that continue your own tether to this magnet of avoidance. Your goals won’t be “I will do this so I will never feel this pain and neither will anyone else”. Your goals will be “no matter where I go, I will allow myself to feel. I will not avoid. I will conquer it.”
Everything ends in life. My one fear is that I will have remained neutral mentally for too long. I won’t have touched upon what great souls touched upon and reach that spiritual plateau where I FEEL happy. Where I operate with a strength and presence of understanding. The spirit craves pain as the only way to burst free of the cocoon of neutrality. There is no way to be free of fires because true peace is being inside of the fires and not being harmed anymore ❤
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I was waiting for something.
The void was screaming at me
But refused to move closer.
I stood
At the edge
Began to climb down the jagged rocks
Precarious and foolishly
With no vision of where I was going.
Only that I had to move.
The void doesn’t scream for no reason.
It is primal.
It is deafening.
It is foreign.
My soul craved to touch the understanding of it
to bask in the light of no screams.
It came without ever moving an inch.
Turns out it was waiting for me to come.
I never arrived anywhere, it never moved either.
Slowly my journey over ledges led me to a place of stillness.
Where people, who stood, without speaking, smiled at me
And understood me.
I never smiled.
Sitting down, pulling my knees up with my arms resting atop
I looked down at the reflection of a quiet river
It had swallowed up the screams with the eyes of the travelers
There is no reason to scream to the lost after they are found.
It came…the smile inside me.

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I started out in the business of traveling and photographing the United States quite awhile ago. I first moved to West Virginia where people slow down to merge onto a freeway and where everything is super green and trees everywhere. I got honked at quite a lot because, from the area I was in, it appeared I was the only one who did p90x, took daily showers, and practiced oral hygiene. This was great for my self image =) 
Onto Cherry HIlls, New Jersey…Land of the peeps with Attitude (Capital A). Any smiles i shared at the local market were met with “Pft…what the, are you smiling at?” Philli was right over the bridge and I got to drive past the museums (Wishing I could go in without my little toddler) and instead running to the zoo where people are fine with us running a million miles per hour around every cool attraction.
Onto my favorite eastern city…Pittsburgh. I lived across the street from the Pirates Stadium. Yes, baseball reviews are correct, It IS one of the three prettiest stadiums in the United States. The city’s buildings and yellow bridges a perfect backdrop for the game. I loved the Marriott hotel and living amongst the hustle and bustle of tourists and game night events that happened atleast weekly. Ethan running down to flirt aka…weasle his way into candy and goodies from the staff. The only downside being the ticks. I didn’t even mind all the traffic because I loved the bridges and the city so much. The green of the land was fine…but MEH…all I saw was TICKS TICKS TICKS. I was fine leaving for Chicago.
Chicago had a feel all its own. I loved how fast people drove. But they were sane. The city really didn’t drive, they all just rode public transport. Which was awesome. More room for me when I drove for SUSHI!!!
Michigan had fantastic fantastic lightning storms. The kind that light the entire sky and make you feel as if you are a part of something extremely powerful. I didn’t get to see much of it because I was on bed rest most of the time i was living there. And their food at restaurants was awful….Not that I could eat anything twice (some babies are pretty picky in the womb..aurianne was one of them)…but still. AWFUL. I was quit glad to get back to SLC.
Green land is awesome and all but seriously can’t compare to my desert. The majestic mountains of Utah are one of a kind. My personal postcard living. They are my streets. I had my Coffee shop, My crazy drivers that won’t let you merge, that flip you the bird if you do something they don’t like, and the ‘I need a sign I am just that plain stupid and mean’ drivers. But meh, it was and is home. Familiar streets I grew up on were a welcome site to have my daughter.
Fast forward to the now. I reached my countdown for Texas.
Miles and miles of new…yet it all looked the same as most of the United States. I will say that Navajo land is beautiful and their culture fascinates me. Further south we got the more plain the land…flat…reminding me of all the westerns I used to watch with my dad growing up. i wised up around the oil towns with no hotels rooms empty at 1am ‘I want to quit driving and sleep time’ that there is a new way of driving in Texas. Big Semi Trucks have deadlines as urgent as New York City people take their daily tasks…They weren’t going to slow down…they will plow you right over or risk hitting oncoming traffic to shoot around you (yes I narrowly DIDN”T get hit or see an accident to the side of me atleast 5 times)…New rule learned. Big trucks pull over to let other cars/trucks go past. They don’t slow down and pull over, they just move onto the side of the road and keep their speed expecting you to drive by. Interesting. smart. Slightly loco.
Then we get into Texas cities and realize there is no such thing as a speed limit anymore. Move your butt. Expect to be tailgated. speed up and waste all your gas at the starting line…er, I mean green light. Only cops to be seen were for wrecks (Yep, there are signs announcing the Texas death toll on the roads is already up to 464…shocker). They don’t give tickets unless you are extraordinarily stupid or insanely fast (clocking over 100 I am sure). So that is refreshing news. i get to be crazy chica driver! I am such a bad butt 😉
This place has a FEW palm trees. Almost paradise…It is working its way to how cool Florida is. It is a mix between Florida and my memories of my cabin at Lake Tahoe with tall beautiful forest trees. The roads are fun. There is a nice highway of sorts following both sides of the freeway so you can hit all the stores along the way or just avoid traffic if you want to…I like that. The ocean in Galveston isn’t too far away and it is a lot of fun to be near a big body of water again. I am a water child in every way. So my family is now burrowing into Texas. Lots of changes. I have lots of goals. Tons of fun pictures. Enjoying the new culture. Americans from coast to coast really are quite similar. The same ideas attacked in different ways, expressed vastly differently, but all making this a beautiful wonderful country to live in.
Namaste!!!

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